Participating in several “message boards” relating to kidney disease, and specifically PKD, one thing stands out because of its absence: The limited number of male participants.
Now, even considering gender-based generalities, that women may have more time to spend on-line, the ratio of female-to-male message board entries is extremely high.
Now, being a male-type person, I know that the “Macho Man” is rarely prepared to announce his weakness on the “World Wide Web!” Horrors!
I understand perfectly.
Men’s survival instinct requires them to put forth a strong image to the world. And this is good. This seems to be how Nature designed it.
Yet, under certain conditions, mankind has learned to set aside some of those survival instincts in order to gain co-operation for the greater good.
Not every male is constituted to be the Alpha-male and lead the pack. Some MUST be followers. All Chiefs and no Indians don’t result in getting too many things done.
I was not thrilled to be diagnosed with PKD at the age of 22. I didn’t know what that would mean in my search for mate. Fortunately, serious symptoms didn’t occur for me until my mid-30′s. And that’s a story for another time.
My father died of PKD in 1968 and NOBODY knew he had it (maybe not even himself, I’ll never know)! Maybe he didn’t want to “burden” the family. THis was not helpful. It would have been nice to know.
The inner emotional pressure of walking around with an incurable disease is very large. It must be released. In fact, it will be released, one way or another.
Just like adolescents under the pressure of meeting externally-imposed expectations, the pressure of having PKD will either be released constructively, or destructively.
Lashing out at loved ones, or co-workers at the slightest provocation, or its opposite, being non-responsive, are not helpful in the long run. This leads to pushing away the very people who are needed for literal support.
Ingesting substances that are not the healthiest for one’s health is also self-destructive. And when that burden of PKD gets a bit too much to bear, this is all too often a “convenient” release of the pressure.
So what are some constructive ways of release the pressure of walking around with PKD?
Expressing your feelings! Yeah, yeah, guys. I know what you’re thinking. “What you mean, my feelings? I got this d..n disease and I’m stuck with it. What does expressing my “feelings” got to do with that?”
This is the correct question to ask!
Remember how you expressed yourself when you lost that “wager” when the place-kicker missed the field goal and you didn’t make the spread? I KNOW you expressed yourself VERY well!!
Look, guys. Find someone you can talk to. A clergy-person. A fellow PKD patient. Someone who knows how to listen. Someone who TOTALLY understands!
Being a Life Coach, I am trained to listen and to help you constructively release that pressure by helping you use the energy of frustration in ways that helpful to yourself and your family.
It really might be worth a try.
You can contact me at :
to schedule a complimentary coaching conversation.
In the meantime, take a look at these message boards:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Polycystic-Kidney-Disease-PKD/support-group
and for general kidney disease issues,
You can always comment on my blog here.
But whatever you do, express yourself…constructively!
It feels sooo good to release! 
Peace and Blessings!
Coach Richie Perl
