As a Certified Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, the use of language is of great importance to me. We all know that words have power. Concepts and ideas that have changed the world had to be converted to words in order to be communicated and implemented.

In the discussion about “support,” it is all too easy to assume that we all understand the meaning of support. In the case of PKD patients, there are so many aspects of the disease that require different kinds of support, that the word “support” itself has become so generalized, that in ordinary conversation, it has lost much of its intent.

With this in mind, I’d like to consider the the point of view of the person who requires some support of one kind or another.

As a PKD patient myself, my first “requirement” to be considered “supported” was to feel that I was being heard and understood. At the young age of 16, when I was first diagnosed with kidney disease, I didn’t feel that I was. Since my Dad died of PKD two weeks after he passed out on the street, our family had no experience of the “PKD Odyssey.” My Mom had severe emotional problems, and, although she tried her best, she couldn’t quite provide the sense that she understood what I was going through. In addition, I didn’t have the emotional vocabulary to describe what I was feeling.

So, I started on my Odyssey, and, although not totally alone, I wasn’t traveling with the sense that I was understood.

OK. So what does it take to feel “understood?”

In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), the main intent of the practitioner is to “see the world through the lens of the client.”

The way for that to happen is to be “in rapport” with the client.

The best example of “rapport” is watching a young couple in the state of infatuation. The two individuals are almost like one, sometimes almost literally performing a mating dance!

When a patient feels “connected” to a person offering empathy, that feeling of “connection” is a major step towards feeling “understood.”

You know the drill: Quiet, calm, reassuring words. Listening without judgment. Gently asking for clarity from the patient to make sure you clearly “receive” the “message” that is being “sent.” (A message that may contain facts, in combination with strong emotions such as fear, anger, guilt, and the like.)

And when the patient finishes a “message,” the next step is to “feedback” the message, to ensure that the listener “heard” it correctly, and allow the patient to clarify the message if necessary, until the patient feels as much as possible that the message has been “received.”

Until this point, the listener should not provide any of his/her own input to the process. You can’t comment on a situation in a helpful manner until you understand the situation as much as possible.

I’ll discuss more on this topic next time.

Peace and Blessings!

Coach Richie Perl

Certified Professional Coach

Certified Trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming